Friday, February 26, 2010

Just Because I Can

I love you. I know you love me back. You make me feel so warm inside. You always know how to comfort me when my day hasn’t been so good. You are always there for me when other are not. Your scent holds a certain trance over me and my thoughts. When I close my eyes I see you waiting for me to embrace you. You are my beginning my present and my end. If I were to go another day without you I may as well end it all today. Thank you Jack Daniels for never judging me and always giving me the courage to do things I might not have done without you. You are true friend. Ha. Now I know what you are thinking. This lame ass is an hard core boozer. Well …. No. I just have a finer taste for the good things in life. Don’t get me wrong I love a good cold beer on a hot day in the summer, but when it comes down to it nothing beats a smooth glass of single barrel JD. MMMMM…. This sweet nectar of the gods I do have to admit I crave. It is my fire water. And I am damn proud of it. Please feel free to judge I really don’t care. I have converted many a naysayer in this world and all would agree with me. Now this maybe a dumb thing to blog about but after reading a few other blogs this week I thought I would end the week with something that took no thought what so ever. Some day I will own my own barrel of Jack and when that day comes I will finally have hit the pinnacle of my life and be forever happy, I do apologize to my future wife because I am sure she will just love the idea of having a barrel of booze buried in the back yard. So to all of you on this Friday I say good day and have a great weekend and remember that JD will always be there for you when no one else will or even just to make your already exciting life a little better. Good day to you all.


“ In the eyes of the world you are nothing but to me you are everything to which I will never let you go. You will be my everything and my always forever….”



Cubs suck-gonna start putting that on the end of all my blogs from now on.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Douche or Turd

Now I have battled blogging about the issue of Obama and the utter stupidity of voters in the last election for sometime now but recent conversations have pushed me towards discussing it. This blog entry could go in multiple directions and have multiple discussion points. But for the sake of arguing, citing and my laziness I am only going to touch on a few issues.

First lets talk about the election and what it was about. Change. The word change in context to this election was anything as far away from the Bush administration as possible. Fair enough. Everyone was fed up with how things were going. A failing economy and 2 unpopular wars strained the nation. ( I will reference hindsight coming up so be prepared.) So of course the platform of change would be a good one for any politician. The combination of impressionable individuals , social networking, great campaigning , and possibly crack cocaine led to the unity behind one candidate the country has never seen. And the result of this was a complete landslide of Obama. After watching all the promises and politicking taking place I said to myself “ self I sure hope that the American voter sure knows how government works”, and of course I let myself down by believing they did.

After talking to many people for the last year and a half on why they voted for Obama the overwhelming response was I wanted change. So I asked the simple question what change would you like to see? And of course the people that I talk to ramble on with everything from the Iraq war, homosexual marriage, to the health care debate. I then asked all these changes you want to see you honestly believe that the President can do all that? And to my surprise but shouldn’t have been a surprise yes. Of course at this point I usually want to bash the individuals face in with my fist but didn’t. How can with all the sharing of information in this world i.e. the internet can a person know absolutely nothing about how the government works? To this individual I have no clue. I am going to bold and underline a few of the next sentences to put an emphasis on how important the information is. The President is the most powerful and influential person in the United States government. With this being said , his effect on the law-making process is limited. Only Congress can write legislation. I repeat only Congress can write legislation. The President may only recommend it. If he does so, then a member of Congress may introduce the bill for consideration. Now with that being said I shouldn’t have to explain why its so frustrating to her sane individuals have no concept on how government works. These people have the balls to criticize past administrations but have no clue how anything works. To these people I say get out and move to Canada please and thank you. Because of your stupidity you are costing us more and more everyday in the lives of Americans and the pocket books of your great ,great grandchildren. Yes I understand that voting was created so that every American citizen has a part in their government no matter their education level. However with the information out there today it is inexcusable for this kind of blind stupidity and bandwagon allure. Go ahead bandwagon goers pat yourself on the back you look absolutely retarded. And I get to say this because of what???? ( This is where I reference hindsight ) Hindsight my friends. We can look back and see what was promised and what was supposed to happen to what actually happened. Not much has changed as far as a 180 is concerned. Yes things like extending Bush policies spending more money in one year than any other President in history is change but probably not the change you idiots wanted. What is most irritating to me besides the stupidity of the average voter when it comes to government is the fact when I ask why or how most of them say “ oh I don’t want to talk about this right now” well of course you don’t because you have no fn clue what’s going on but choose to follow everyone else and be a pawn in one of the biggest jokes in American politics and government history.

Now I have been fairly hard on the voter I mean in my head it was a choice between a douche and a turd but because of that reason it isn’t always a good thing to just vote for the sake of voting. We are the direct link to how our government is supposed to work. This isn’t the 1800’s and have no information on what’s going on or how things work. There is no excuse on being uninformed anymore. America is the greatest nation on the face of earth. If you don’t believe that then there is no reason for you to vote or even be in this country. However if we do not pull our heads out our rear ends and get with the program we will fall behind quickly because we will self implode with our own stupidity. To many individuals basing their decisions on emotion and not logic. Leave your emotion at the door and bring your ideas and knowledge to the table. I have faith in you America please show me you are better than the media hype of one man.

Do not worry I believe in Obama. I didn’t vote for him. I didn’t even vote. Like I said it was a choice between a douche and a turd . I couldn’t bring myself as an informed citizen to vote for a single person who I thought deserved the right to lead my country. Obama is walking down a path the he has not paved for himself nor does he want to be on. But being the countries leader he has taken the path head on. Whether he succeeds or fails remains to be seen. For the American peoples sake I hope he succeeds.


“ Tell me why , why oh why…. Should I give my life for you. Some say freedom is free… some say freedom is won through the barrel of gun.”

http://usinfo.org/enus/government/branches/ben_president2.html

Moral Compass

Sitting here drinking my coffee watching the news I thought it was time to express my thoughts on this Tiger Woods situation. If you don't know what's going on please use this slight pause to hit yourself in the head.... go on I will wait. I'm getting fairly tired of hearing about what a bad guy Tiger is. The news media has really hit an all time low. Yes I understand that he is one of the most popular athletes on the face of the planet but what law did he break? Did he cheat the game that made him so popular and made him millions of dollars? Ahhhh no. The man cheated on his wife multiple times and got caught. Great, thats his personal life and none of us has any right to be involved in. If he had cheated the game or broke the law by raping some hotel chick then yes bring him down to china town. I am getting tired of hearing the excuse of people saying he is a role model to young kids and should be better as a person. Well to that I say go shit in your hat. The only model he should serve to kids is the one that involves golf. Parents need to be their kids role model. Its a cop out to say Tiger is this almighty being and should know better. Is he not human? Is he incapable of making mistakes? We as fans don't go and see him play, don't buy his products or watch him on TV because he is a great family man. No we do all those things because he is an amazing golfer. All this naysayers can go look at themselves in the mirror and ask would I be as big of a person as he has been through all this. Probably not because most media personnel now a days are the equivalent to a Saturday night hooker. Only looking for a quick score. Watching Tiger during his news conference was very painful. I couldn't even make it through the entire statement. Here is a man who may become the first athlete in history to be worth a billion dollars and he is reduced to apologizing for his personal actions to the whole world. The only thing Tiger should ever apologize for is for not playing golf right now. And for that I blame the media for blowing his personal life up.

Lets not forget the other players in this game either. I was watching Nancy Grace the other day and she had a lawyer of one of his mistresses on saying she demanded an apology from tiger. Ha! Are you kidding me? She claims that she didn't know Tiger was married. Ha! For this I say ' well no wonder you are a call girl." And yet the media doesn't jump all over these lower than life individuals trying to make a quick buck off of the pain of this man. And lets not forget Tigers wife in all this. Yes she is the victim and has been put through a lot. She has had her life drug through the mud and having the public know how many times her husband has cheated on her. So why doesn't she just leave? She threatened to when this all came out. Does she really love him that much that she will stick by his side? Maybe. Or maybe is the all mighty dollar that has her thinking twice from leaving this cash cow. If that is the reason then she is no better than he.

Now let me be straight here for a second I do not condone what Tiger did at all. However what he has done is nothing in comparison to other infamous athletes. Kobe, raped a woman. Ben Roethlisberger accused of raping a woman. Barry Bonds possibly the biggest cheater ever in all of professional sports. Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa are the worst bottom feeders known to sports. These individuals are known to have cheated or committed a crime and yet nothing has been blown up to the size of Tiger cheating on his wife.

Thank you Tiger for giving so many memorable moments in your golfing career that has made me personally enjoy golf better, but most of all thank you for never cheating on the game that has made you millions of dollars and millions of fans around the world. Please continue to re write the record books and change the face of golf forever.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Do you ball?

Today I thought I would talk about something on the lighter side of life. A topic that my friend Phil and I had a couple of years ago and might quite possibly the funniest conversation I have ever had. Do you ball the toilet paper when you wipe or do you fold? Now I will admit paying attention on how you wipe your ass seems kind of weird and non sophisticated but I would like to dig deeper into this. Is each method a reflection on the personality of the wiper? I would like to think maybe its a little true. Ah the fold method so neat and organized, modified for maximum effectiveness. With this method I would say individuals who use this tend to be more organized, are planners and know how to be efficient in all their daily activities. All though it maybe the most effective way to wipe ones ass it does have a sense of bore to it. If you choose to ball or crunch the paper you aren't really using the paper to its full potential however this method is built for speed. I mean when you are in a crunch and don't have the time to fold this method is perfect. Individuals that prefer this method show qualities such as randomness, living for the moment, adrenalin junkie. We all know the type. Now although this method is good for a time crunch be warned there are some draw backs. This method is a clear waste of paper and in these times of being green it may not be the best for you tree huggers out there. If you ball, you do run the risk of not have all your digits covered properly when you do wipe. Also your digits may be covered but with a single layer you may have a poke through which believe me you do not want. Now I have covered the two most popular ways of cleaning yourself after pooing but I failed to mention the bidet. For those of you who do not have one or know what it is I shall explain. It is device that pumps low pressure water in a vertical fashion , the individual stands above the sprouting water and the water does the work that toilet paper would do. Now let me set the record straight by saying yes I have a bidet and no I have never used it. It does function with running water but it is strictly used as a magazine holder. I have seen someone use it as a water fountain but thats a whole different story.

Now that I have discussed the different types of wiping lets explore the lean. Lean you ask? Yes the lean. Well not just the lean, it could be a squat or even the full stand. I am talking about the action one does to gain access to use the ball or fold method. Now I would say that the lean is the most popular only on the fact thats what I do and seems most logical but after doing some research and many drunken conversations I have learned that isn't the case. Be that is it may lets discuss in further.

The Lean , now this method I know very well because its the only one I have ever known. There really is no wrong or right way of leaning. I would say most people who use this method use their dominate hand. I would caution with using your dominate hand just for the sake of you using that hand to eat with. Next we have the squatter. This method tends to remind me of a toddler who is just learning the art of ass wiping. You know shirt underneath the chin pants around the ankles, really getting in there and getting physical with it. I find this to be the most comical and also very useful when you are in a toilet situation that may require you to hover or when there is no toilet present. Last and certainly least is the standing method. Now when I first heard of this I didn't believe it at all. I mean really who stands to wipe. Well I love to be proven wrong. This does exist and is in full practice all around the world. Example, when I was over seas and was at an Italian Camp their bathrooms had no toilets so leaning was definitely out of the question. After asking around I found that most of them stood to wipe. Weird as it maybe they explained toilets took up needed space therefore unneeded.

Now that I have discussed the methods of wiping and methods of holding your toilet paper you as a reader should be very conscious of whats going on down there. I did leave out one important thing. The front to back method or back to front. I did this for a reason because I am under the assumption that everyone uses the front to back method and no information was needed. As an informed reader I would challenge you to think outside the box next time you are in the wash closet and perhaps change your method to fit your needs.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Story

I would like to try something. I would like to write a story about nothing and everything. I would ask the help of anyone that wants to give it. I am going to start that story and leave it open. Please continue it in any direction and lets see what kind of randomness is created!

The year was 1972, I had just woken up from a long slumber but soon realized that the slumber of eight hours was actually five years. I am not the same person. Who am I? What am I doing on this floor? Who is this woman next to me? Dear god please be a dream........

One

Once in awhile I am left speechless. Yes I know what you are thinking, impossible right? Well write this day down because it happened tonight. As I struggled to fall into slumber I decided to watch a movie. As usual nothing good was on, about to abandon hope and take some sleep drugs I stumbled upon the movie Precious. Now I am going to be perfectly honest and upfront when saying I heard about this movie and completely dismissed it do to the fact it really looked boring. First off Mariah Carey is in the movie so I immediately gave the flick no credibility what so ever. Second I felt like a story about a girl raped by her father makes for a sad story one of which I am really never in the mood for. So with that said lets continue. I could honestly go about this entry a few different ways. One, I could go into great detail about the movie and its plot but for anybody that reads this and hasn't seen the movie I wouldn't want to deprive them of actually experiencing it themselves. However I will mention a few plot points to get my point and feelings across.

Words can not describe what this young girl "Clareece 'Precious' Jones" went through. And thats why this movie and story is so amazing. Not only was this girl raped by her father more than once starting at the rip old age of months old, she endures name calling from her peers and family for being overweight, physical and emotional abuse from her welfare sucking mother and of course lack of any education. Now as the story went along many things had crossed my mind such as how race played a big part on how Precious was raised and was told to observe the outside world. Here her mother preaches that the whites hold them back and that education got you no where in life. All this while she sat in a chair waiting for her welfare check. I began to feel angry as I tend to do with stupid people in movies and in life. It's hard for me to feel sorry for people that choose to not do what is necessary for their family. I also began to get angry with Precious. Its so hard to watch someone get abused over and over again and do nothing about it.

As the movie plugged along and went from heart ache to heart ache for this sixteen year old, she finally got the break she needed. Of course it was after she had her second child whose father was her own father ( yes this isn't the back woods of West Virgina )and after she returned home only to have furniture thrown at her by her crazy in the head mother. Her baby thrown to the floor she finally got enough courage to get up and get out. As she was leaving she falls down the stairs baby in hand looks up just in time to see her mother trying to drop a television on her head from two floors up. Finally out. Now during the movie she decides that its best for her to go to a special class that helps prepare her for the GED exam, here she learns to read and write. This class helps her get up on her own two feet and out of harms way. Now I won't go into to much detail because I feel if you are reading this article you should defiantly see the movie and hopefully I am being vague enough so that happens. Plus this blog entry is how it made me feel not a review of the actual movie. This girl makes it through all of that, finally on the up and up and life may actually turn out to be okay. Well bad news comes knocking again. She finds out her father dies and as a last parting gift she finds out he died from aids. She tests positive for HIV. Of course she does why wouldn't she? ( insert sarcasm ) And yet after all the beat downs in life this girl against all odds makes it. And I have to ask why? I spent about an hour debating if I should blog about this and if anyone would read it then I realized no one reads this so who cares. I debated with myself on what drove this character to do what she needed , to put up with all that in her life, taking blow after blow. This family was far from religious which for me made the story even more powerful. God gets a lot of credit in these types of movies but this time no dice. It was quite refreshing to see humans struggle with life's uncertainties, stupid curve balls, bullies that push you down and see someone go through all that and pick themselves up. Believe in themselves. She didn't need a higher power to get off the floor. She needed someone to care for once but most of all she needed to care about herself. Humans have the capability to do so much wrong and hurt in so many ways. There is so much evil in this world that goes unnoticed , but its stories like this that help me believe in humanity and all she did was help herself.


This film had no special effects, no big time director, not even a big lead actor/actress. And yet I challenge you to find a movie that displays the true core of what it means to be a hero and overcoming all the odds. Movies like Avatar may have the 230 million dollar budget but all you get is 230 million dollars worth of fluff. If you want a movie that will leave you feeling like you can do better for yourself this is the one for you. If I had an award for best movie this would win hands down. ( sorry Megan Fox, the fat abused black girl gets my vote )

Monday, February 15, 2010

Blog

When I started this whole blogging thing I thought to myself , " hey this will be way to easy, I can just randomly talk about things that pop up in this little head of mine." But to my surprise it is way more difficult than I thought. The fact that I have poor vocabulary and writing skills makes it very difficult to transfer ideas and thoughts to actual words, but that fact alone shouldn't stop me from expressing myself in the best way I can. The most difficult issue is originality. I have been reading a few blogs here and there and I have noticed that they were boring and blah. Not that they weren't good topics or written well, nor am I bashing the the actual blogger and what he/she wants to write about because I am very well aware that my blog is lame. However with that said, boring. And why is that I ask myself? I thought maybe I have gotten to such a opinionated point in my life I have to be critical of everything I see or read or experience. Which to some degree its true. As I thought about this more I realized that its not entirely my fault ( not just saying that for self-preservation ), the lack of originality all around me is vast and is depleting what I know as " thinking outside the box ". Now I already know what my huge following of readers will say, " originality is within yourself ". Well thats all nice sugar coated but the thought of being original for me and for society is hard to find anymore. Multiple venues of social networking and entertainment have been great for the sharing of ideas as well as the lack of a genuine thought or genuine distinction of something great. This blog entry has a potential to be very long and very drawn out so on the basis of time and not wanting to bore my readers I will leave this up to interpretation of the reader because if you stop and think of all the things you see , hear or feel you can reasonably differ all the things that lack originality.

To each their own.